Did you know that our body holds an infinite amount of wisdom? It also stores the emotions, experiences and needs we were unable to express.
The feelings we pushed down to survive didn’t just disappear, they stayed in our body.
Many of us learned early in life that expressing anger, sadness, sensitivity, fear or even joy wasn’t always safe, so we learned to silence ourselves to be loved, accepted or protected. At the time we needed to do this to survive. But, over time, suppressed emotions and unresolved trauma can begin to show up as physical symptoms in the body.
What we don’t process emotionally, often gets carried physically.
Headaches, back pain, chronic fatigue, tightness in the chest, stomach pain or anxiety can sometimes be connected to unresolved wounds.
The longer the emotional pain is ignored or denied, the more the body tries to get our attention.
When we take the time to listen to the symptom, most often we notice that it began much earlier in life, sometimes in childhood.
The guilt, the shame, the ways we concluded we needed to be, often keeps us from living authentically. Parts of us may be still be afraid because we learned that we needed to be silent, good or obedient, or we experienced punishment when we expressed ourselves.
The anxiety, the knot in our stomach, or tightness in our chest when we’re about to speak up, is often our younger self
afraid of not being accepted or loved.
When our need to be heard and seen goes unnoticed, we often become fragmented, disconnected from the parts of ourselves we learned weren’t safe to express. Our emotions, needs, sensitivity, voice or authenticity may get pushed down in order to receive love and acceptance.
Over time, one part of us learns to function and meet expectations, while other parts carry the hurt, fear, shame or rejected we never processed. This inner split can leave us feeling disconnected from our true selves, and we may begin believing we’re unworthy or don’t deserve to exist because the parts of us that needed love and validation were never fully seen or accepted.
When we live with a belief that we don’t deserve to exist it becomes difficult to be in the world. I know because that was me, I became the one who denied my needs and started to people please. I became the one who abandoned myself while doing everything for everyone else.
I became depressed and anxious because I wasn’t living true to myself. I was following the ways I thought I needed to be,
while neglecting my own needs. I didn’t make this choice consciously, it was a survival response, part of me that decided
who I needed to be in order to feel safe.
The more I lived from the space of needing to be liked by others, the more disconnected I became from myself. The more I judged and criticized myself, the more uncomfortable I felt. I was living according to other people’s expectations and abandoning my truth. no wonder I felt so confused and lonely, I wasn’t connected to me.
So, what shifted, how did I get to where I am today?
It’s been a process and not easy at times. Noticing my patterns and not being able to change them often made me feel like a failure and only deepened the shame I was already carrying.
But you know what? That too became part of the healing; feeling uncomfortable and learning how to hold myself with compassion. Learning how to stay with discomfort instead of fighting it.
Noticing it was one thing, but moving into the energy was everything. For years I talked and talked about how I felt, I talked and
talked about changing my patterns and rituals, but just talking about it never really changed things. I needed to feel what was underneath the patterns; the shame, guilt, grief and fear. I needed validation for what I was experiencing, not someone trying to fix or change me.
Now when I’m triggered, I know I’ve touched an unresolved issue or deep wound and “school is in session.” It’s an opportunity to be with myself
and my feelings and notice what’s happening in my body. To notice what part of me is trying to get my attention from previous times where I felt hurt, alone, rejected or abandoned.
The times when I felt like a burden for needing help or comfort. The times I believed it wasn’t ok to speak up to authority. The times I learned that being quiet felt safer. That energy stayed trapped in my body.
This may be difficult because many of us learned at early on that speaking up came with consequences. As children we were often taught to listen, obey and meet expectations. Then we carry those same patterns into adulthood, into workplaces, relationships and every day life.
We’ve all been conditioned to follow certain “rules” but many of those rules keep us disconnected from ourselves. They create a cage of socialization, a cage of stagnation. When we begin to understand why we adapted the way we did, we can start meeting ourselves with compassion instead of judgment.
And now we have a choice; a choice to learn how to comfort ourselves in ways we never received. A choice to stop fighting ourselves and begin making peace with the parts we’ve rejected. Because so much of our exhaustion comes from the inner conflict between who we truly are and who we learned we needed to be.
Our fatigue, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm are often signals from parts of ourselves who have been waiting to finally be seen, heard and validated.
There are many parts of us we don’t even know because they were pushed down and forbidden; our talents, gifts, sensitivity, needs, creativity and authentic expression.
Sometimes we judge others for expressing the things we had to suppress within ourselves. We call someone “too needy “too emotional” “too sensitive” while secretly carrying those same unmet needs inside. at someone as needy or someone who shines brightly and we judge them. Most often that’s what we’ve pushed down.
But we are human and we have needs and meeting those needs is important for our emotional, mental and physical well-being.
And healing isn’t just about understanding this intellectually. There are still parts of us that may not feel safe enough to change. Parts that want to hold onto familiar patterns because those patterns once protected us.
Some parts of us were screamed at, punished, criticized or made to feel like we asked for too much. Those parts of us need love and care, they need reassurance that they’re safe now, otherwise we’ll continue living through outdated survival patterns, viewing ourselves through other people’s eyes and feeling at war inside.
You my loves are a beautiful divine expression, you were made unique for a reason, please do your best to offer yourself compassion. If something within you is trying to get your attention, take the time to listen. Help that part of you feel seen, heard and validated.
This is where true healing begins; learning how to be your own loving parent and friend. Learning how to offer yourself the unconditional presence, love and understanding you may have always needed.
You are worthy of being cared for and supported, you are worthy of unconditional acceptance and love.
And it’s okay to receive this from another person too. Sometimes being seen, heard, validated and understood by someone safe can help regulate the nervous system and remind us that we’re not alone.
There’s nothing wrong with you and there’s nothing to fix, only parts of you that want to be embraced, understood, cared for and loved.
True healing begins when we stop fighting ourselves and start compassionately listening to what our body has been trying to say all along. Our body is always communicating with us through sensations, emotions, tension, fatigue, anxiety, numbness, tightness, discomfort, or exhaustion. Instead of immediately trying to silence, fix or judge what we feel, we can begin by becoming curious.
“What is this feeling trying to tell me?”
“What happens in my body when I feel unsafe, rejected, or unseen?”
“Where do I feel tension when I abandon my needs or silence my truth?”
Listening to the body doesn’t mean forcing answers or trying to heal overnight. Sometimes it begins with just slowing down enough to listen. Taking a deep breath and placing your hand on your chest and being with yourself without judgment.
The body responds to safety, compassion and presence. The more gently we listen, the more we reconnect with the parts of ourselves that were never wrong or broken, only unseen and unheard.
Healing is not becoming someone else, it is returning to yourself with compassion, gentleness and care.
