Discover practical tools to transform past pain, nurture your inner child, and reconnect with your authentic self.
Is the pain of the past keeping you from living freely, loving openly and enjoying your life journey?
Have you read numerous self-help books, attended years of therapy and still feel stuck?
If this is you, I get it, that was me too and I used to believe that there was something wrong with me.
Most of my life I struggled with eating disorders, anxiety, depression, self-criticism and self-harming behaviors.
I saw the world through the lens of fear and unresolved trauma, creating stories about myself and others that reinforced my pain.
I treated myself in horrible ways, I felt unlovable and unworthy and often found myself in relationships and situations that reflected
those beliefs back to me.
I kept creating and recreating the same painful experiences with “new people” and situations. My past programming was “making my decisions,” filtering my perceptions and keeping me in a prison. It seemed as if I was “addicted” to feeling bad, sad and feeling horrible inside.
Whenever I began to feel even a bit of happiness, something inside me would trigger thoughts or feelings that pulled me
back into sadness and pain. No matter how much therapy I tried, no matter how many affirmations I said, or how hard
I worked to be kind and gentle with myself, I still remained anxious and stuck in self-destructive patterns.
I once thought my pain was caused by the circumstances I was experiencing, but through my healing journey I discovered
it stemmed from unresolved childhood trauma.
So, where did my pain begin? I grew up in a family where I was constantly teased and criticized, mostly by my father.
I internalized his words, his criticism became my inner voice, and I became my own mean parent.
I often felt alone, afraid, unlovable and unworthy, what I really wanted deep inside was to be loved and accepted
for who I was, not for what I did or for who others wanted me to be.
Even after years in therapy, hospitals, treatment programs, medication and countless self-help tools, the pain persisted.
I punished myself in many ways through self-harm, starvation, compulsive exercise, self-sabotage, negative self talk,
and acting in the self-destructive ways I believed I deserved.
I also tried to distract myself by staying busy or working and working to accumulate more and more money, “because then I would feel worthy.” And, for brief moments it worked, but it never lasted. The pain was always there, underneath, blocking me from feeling my true self.
When I started doing inner healing work, I realized that my struggles, my relationship with myself and others, my anxiety,
depression, eating disorder and self-harming patterns stemmed from unresolved childhood trauma.
Healing for me isn’t about fixing or trying to get rid of the pain, it’s about understanding what the pain is here to teach.
Pain signals unmet needs, often coming from our inner child and offers us an opportunity to cultivate compassion,
self-love and authentic connection.
When we ignore, numb or suppress our pain, our inner child keeps hurting.
Practical Steps to Support Your Healing
Healing doesn’t happen all at once, and it isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about slowly reconnecting with the parts of yourself that may have been hurt, ignored or forgotten.
Be gentle with yourself as you move through this process. Healing happens with small moments of awareness, compassion and care.
Here are some practices that can help you reconnect with your authentic self and begin nurturing your inner child:
1. Pause and Reflect on Your Triggers;
When you notice yourself feeling upset, overwhelmed, or emotionally reactive, take a deep breath, pause and genltly ask yourself:
• How am I feeling right now?
• What meaning am I attaching to this feeling? (“I’m unlovable,” “I don’t matter” “I’m not good enough” etc.)
• What past experience does this remind me of?
• What might my inner child need right now? (love, comfort, reassurance, safety, a hug.)
Rather than criticizing yourself for your reactions, try responding with compassion and curiosity.
Sometimes healing begins simply by staying present with yourself in moments you once abandoned yourself.
2. Practice Self-Love Daily
Self love is not about being positive all the time, it’s about learning to relate to yourself with kindness, honesty and care.
Through out the day, try checking in with yourself and ask:
• “How would someone who deeply loves themselves respond right now?”
• “How am I speaking to myself in this moment?”
• What do I need physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually?”
Notice stories your mind creates and gently guide yourself towards more nurturing and supportive and thoughts.
3. Reconnect With Your Authentic Self
Healing isn’t only about working through pain, it’s also about rediscovering who you are beneath your survival patterns.
You might begin by:
• Explore hobbies, passions or creative activities that bring you joy or once brought you joy.
• Spending time in spaces where you feel safe to be yourself.
• Allowing yourself to rest, play, laugh and express emotions freely.
• Reconnecting with parts of yourself you may have hidden to feel accepted by others.
Your authentic self is not something you need to earn, it has always been with you.
4. BeginInner Child Healing
Many of our patterns developed from experiences where our younger selves felt unseen, unsafe, rejected, or unsupported.
Inner child healing is the process of reconnecting with those younger parts of yourself with compassion and care.
Some gentle ways to begin are:
• Looking at childhood photos and speaking kindly to your younger self.
• Journaling from the perspective of your younger self.
• Offering yourself the reassurance you may have not received as a child.
“You are safe.”
“Your feelings matter.”
“I’m here, you’re not alone.”
“You are lovable as you are.”
• Noticing when your younger emotional wounds are activated in present relationships.
• Practicing self-soothing when difficult emotions arise instead of suppressing or criticizing yourself.
Inner child healing is not about blaming the past, it’s about learning how to give yourself the love, care, safety
and validation you may have needed all along.
5. Notice and Challenge the Stories Your Mind Tells You
Our minds often create stories based on past pain and experiences. These stories can influence how we see ourselves,
others and the world around us. When difficult thoughts arise:
• Identify the story your mind is telling you: “I’m not good enough.” “I’ll be abandoned.” “I always fail.”
• Notice how you respond when you believe that story: (eating, drinking, procrastinating, withdrawing, self-criticism, people-pleasing)
• Respond with compassion instead of judgment.
You might gently remind yourself:
• “This is a painful belief, it’s not necessarily the truth.”
• “I can support myself through this feeling.”
• “I deserve compassion.”
Healing often begins when we stop fighting ourselves and start meeting ourselves with compasion and understanding.
“Underneath the traumatized persona is a healthy individual who’s in tune with their heart and soul.”
Healing is a journey, not a destination. It takes patience, self-compassion, and gentle guidance. If you’re struggling with pain,
anxiety, or the effects of past trauma, please remember that there’s nothing wrong with you. The feelings you carry are valid,
and taking small loving steps towards understanding yourself can transform your life.
If you find that your pain is persistent, affecting your relationships or overall well-being, it can be helpful to connect with someone
who offers a compassionate, non-judgmental space. A guide or supportive presence can help you explore your patterns and emotions, understand their roots and gently support you in navigating your healing journey. Seeking support doesn’t mean there’s something
wrong with you, it means you’re giving yourself the care and attention you deserve.
Here’s the simple truth I know about you: you are naturally beautiful, lovable, valuable and worthy.
Your presence and uniqueness are a gift to this world.
May you come to know, love, value, appreciate and adore the beautiful and amazing being you are.
Much LOVE,
–Debra
