Have you ever heard the expression “If you want something bad enough you’ll find a way, otherwise you’ll find an excuse?” This is really powerful, read it again and notice how you feel. Notice the first thing that comes to mind when you read it. Many times our excuses can be subconscious (out of our conscious awareness) there’s secondary gain, so you might not be aware consciously. If this is you, take a deep breath, close your eyes and think of something that you would like to add to your life, be with this for a moment and notice how you TRULY feel about what you say you want to have.

For instance; I’ve gone in and out of numerous hospitals and treatment centers for over 23 years and I saw many therapists and doctors. I “said” that I wanted to get better, but deep inside I didn’t. My parents spent millions of dollars on treatment for me and nothing seemed to work. Why is this, I wasn’t committed, I didn’t really have anything to lose by being sick, in fact, it actually served me more then getting “better.” How? My parents were still taking care of me, I got care and attention in my hospitals, treatment centers and from the doctors, I didn’t have to go out on my own into a scary world, I could stay at home forever, etc. Not all of it was positive, but hey, I was getting attention and a sense of being cared for; which was what I really wanted, get it?

I’m stubborn, yep, I’m pretty damn stubborn; when I want something bad enough nothing can get in my way, especially when it’s aligned with my heart and soul.

It wasn’t until I started paying for my treatment with my own money that I actually started to take it seriously and started to heal. I worked two jobs to pay for therapy, I went to 12 step meetings, I payed for a Spiritual Psychology program that was quite expensive;I was committed. When a client calls me and says “I’m not able to afford your services” what i’m hearing them say is “I’m not ready to commit to myself and my healing.” I totally get it, there’s no judgment, I did this too. I wanted to see if I could either manipulate to get what I wanted or get it for free, this is how I believed at a deeper level that people would LOVE me. However, the times where I did get “free” services, I didn’t take it seriously and just kept doing what I always did.

This idea played out in so many ways, “trying to get things for free.” How? By wanting people to pay for me when we went out together; (proving that “I matter” to them) by “expecting” others to be there for me when I was hurting and if they weren’t I wouldn’t talk to them anymore. (again, proving that “I matter” to them.) I even stole food or bought it in the least deserving way, like day old bakery goods, only buying things with coupons or that were on sale, unless of course someone else was buying, then I would get the best of the very best. (again, proving that “I matter” to them.) All this putting responsibility outside of myself never helped me, it just kept the cycle of “I’m incapable of taking care of myself, please someone, show me that you LOVE me by taking care of me.”

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Perhaps you might want to call this a victim mentality, I don’t really like that word. Let’s just call it a part of us that feels unlovable and that’s scared of growing up and taking responsibility. It’s a part of us that wants to feel LOVED and cared for by us and just needs LOVE, compassion, understanding and a feeling of safe.

This is why doing the inner work is so valuable, we rarely know consciously the reasons why we do what we do, even though we “think” we do. We try to use our logic, reason and things we’ve learned from others, but until we go deeper within and feel into the experience and see how it’s serving us and shift it in ways that truly serve us, we’ll continue to stay on the surface level and attracting to us the same type of energy with different people and situations.

So, I invite you to notice what you say and notice what you’re saying and feeling at a deeper level. Let me give ya another example. A few years ago I said that I was ready to be in LOVE relationship, however, when I went deeper into myself I realized that I had some things to work through before I could really feel like I would be able to be in a relationship. What were those things/reasons; the first was I knew my life would change, scary eh? Second, I had this idea that my lover would control me and so my “freedom” would be taken away. These are just a few examples I found by going deep within and what I mean by notice what you’re saying and notice what YOU”re saying. Now I totally feel ready, I’ve shifted those ideas and I am really excited about BEing in a LOVE relationship and in the mean time, I’m really enjoying my life.

If you’re not able to do this on your own and you would like assistance, I would be delighted to work with you. Once you learn how to do this yourself, you’ll be amazed at how much more aware you are of YOU and you and how your actions, re-actions and the things you manifest are driven by a deeper place within. This is where ya truly become Self empowered and life becomes really fricken AMAZING.