Do you have a dream in you that feels more like YOU then the way you’re living, but you have no idea on how it CAN happen? You’ve been living a certain way for so long, perhaps you’re stuck in an eating disorder or an addiction of some kind, or you might have some limiting beliefs that are in between you and YOU, how YOU want to BE and what YOU want to have and do.

I get it, I struggled for over 23 years with anorexia, dabbling in drugs and being suicidal. I didn’t value myself or my life, nor did I believe that I deserved to live. I was in numerous hospitals and treatment centers having no success in healing. I thought “Only when I change will I LOVE myself.” Many of my doctors told me that I would never get “better.” My very last treatment center kicked me out and told me that they didn’t want to take me at the beginning, given my history, they said that they knew they wouldn’t be able to help me. WOW, what a Fricken gift that was. Everyone pretty much gave up on me which “pushed” me to stop seeking outside and find my own ways to “Heal.”

My whole life revolved around the eating disorder behaviors, counting calories, exercising all day, weighing myself 5 times a day, living in lack limitation and fear and polluting my mind with negative chatter. I did the same things everyday in the same way and didn’t let anything or anyone get in the way. People would say “I wish I was as thin as you.” or at the beginning I got “You look great.” What most people didn’t understand was how unhappy I was inside, I Fricken hated myself and hated being alive. No matter how thin I got, I wanted to be thinner, but eighty pounds seemed to be the weight I maintained.

I would get mad at myself “Why the Fuck can’t I change?” And at the same time holding on tight to the way I was living. Can you relate? I truly believe things work until they don’t. There’s always a or perhaps many deeper reasons why we do what we do. Finding those deeper reasons and loving those parts of us who might be scared will help us feel more peaceful inside. Feeling a sense of peace within helps us to relax, and when we’re relaxed we can listen to our sol-ution. (soul and intuition)
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If what we resist persists, then getting mad at myself didn’t help. In order to “Heal” I first had to accept what was happening, “Okay, this is what I do, how I think and feel, how can I still LOVE myself anyway?” Then came, “What do I want and how do I want to FEEL?” Then came noticing the beliefs that were in the way of having and feeling what I wanted to experience. How did I do this; by going within and giving that energy (my inner child) a chance to speak, listening to her with compassion and LOVE and meeting her needs, which very often was just wanting to be seen, heard, appreciated and LOVED. Was it easy, heck no, at the beginning it was like pulling teeth. I didn’t want to change, (well my personality didn’t) I found safety in living the way I did, hating myself and life, depriving myself and numbing out through the eating disorder became my safe “normal” and a mask that I hid behind. I had to “work” hard at the beginning because I learned or bought into the idea that“Loving and taking care of myself was selfish to do.” However, by staying with my intention of wanting to have a chance to see what life could be like if I was happy and in-Joying my life, I was willing to do whatever it took no matter how challenging it got. I finally moved through the gunk and into the Loving. I do admit, it wasn’t a walk in the park, the process was intense. I spent hours crying on my floor, I screamed, I took two steps forward and one step back, I fell down and got back up, I hit pillows, I sat with myself instead of exercising, I sweated, I panicked, I let all my emotions rise to the surface and embraced them all. “Fricken eh” I said, is this ever going to stop? It did get easier after awhile, however, the first few years were very intense. Everything that I was comfortable with starting falling away which “forced” me to be with myself. In 2012 I was in a major car accident which took me out of the job I was doing, which was a blessing, however I didn’t see it as a blessing at the time. The universe was helping me to move into a different way of BEing and that job kept me stuck in my routine and patterns. Do I still have challenges, you bet I do, it’s a part of life. What I’ve learned is that it’s not about the “Issue” it’s about how we’re relating to OURSELVES while growing through the issue. Get it?

It’s now 5 years later and I can happily say that I’m living my purpose in this earthly play. I’m happy, healthy, wild and free, living in alignment with who I was created to BE. I’ve become my own best friend by allowing myself to heal and mend. My energy flows more naturally, I’m creating from my authenticity. I’m also Assisting others along the way, holding a space of LOVE as they listen to what their inner BEing has to say. True power comes from within, this is the best place to begin. We know what’s right for us, it’s inside, going to this place is the best place we can confide.

You can live the life that you TRULY desire. You can be free from addictions and fear and allow your true self to guide and steer. If I can do it, you can too, it all starts with loving Beautiful you. It’s up to you to NOW decide, where it is you want to confide. By choosing LOVE you’ll start to feel, what is true and what is real. It doesn’t really matter what you have or do, what really matters is that you’re loving you.