We all have that critical and judgmental voice who tells us that we’re not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc. It criticizes, judges and tells us we don’t do anything right.

It calls us stupid, it compares us to other people, it speaks harshly to us about ourselves and about our bodies. It tells us all the things we did or said “wrong” after communicating or connecting with someone.

If there’s chronic judging/criticizing that part thinks that if it judges us it will “keep you us in check” and be the person we “need to be” in a sense it uses criticism to help us be accepted + safe in a “backwards” kinda way.

Sometimes it projects criticism outwards onto others so we can “feel better.” Or, we try to hide how we’re truly feeling through over achieving, being busy and accumulating more and more things.

Sometimes it’s a protective mechanism that’s trying to keep us from honoring our authentic expression, because, if we’re focused on the “judgment” we can’t be true to ourselves, because, if we are, we may be “rejected” from others and not get the LOVE and acceptance we’re wanting.

But, by doing so, we’re creating even more pain and suffering because what we’re doing is disconnecting from and rejecting our own essence.

Just ignoring the critical voice doesn’t always make it go away, maybe initially, but soon enough it will pop its head and say “hey” if we haven’t healed/embraced our hurts, traumas and wounds and shifted our internal patterning; where it’s coming from.

Have you ever heard that expression “what we resist persists?” Have you ever told an angry person to “just calm down” or a screaming child to stop screaming and crying? Does it work? Not when our energy is in a “heightened state.”

Why is someone angry? Why is a child screaming and crying? Because there’s something going on internally that’s creating how they’re behaving, there’s often an unmet need, hurt or pain that’s asking for attention.

Just thinking a better thought to compensate can sometimes work, but sometimes it just creates an inner debate and mistrust in ourselves because deep inside we don’t believe what we’re saying.

As children, many of us were taught to suppress those “bad” feelings because if we expressed them we may have been or were punished. Welcome to the “beginning” of the critical voice, it’s often a frighted part of us that’s wounded and asking for attention, it wants to be seen, heard and understood; what’s the “root” that’s creating the “fruit?”

My Dad used to get really frustrated with me and constantly told me “Damn it Deb, you never to anything right.” Hearing that many times left an imprint in my subconscious and I started living with that “interpretation” of me, and the critical voice kept me “in check” with being this way, in a sense it was my connection to my Dad, so, letting go meant letting go of my connection to him, however, I wasn’t aware of this consciously

For me, the critical voice was my Dad’s voice as well as the deep shame and blame I was feeling and that I received for “making mistakes” and not doing things the “right way.”

I was holding in suppressed anger, sadness, guilt, unforgiveness, resentment, traumas and pain that I “tried” to keep hidden with a “smile on my face” but eventually it turned into a “shame based identity.”

The critical voice criticized me whenever I was “falling short of human standards” and for not being “perfect” whatever perfect means, according to society or the expectations of my family.

Just like when we’re triggered by another person, this trigger “the critical voice” is coming up from our inner dimension asking for our attention, it’s guiding us to what’s asking for healing, resolving, forgiving, understanding, compassion and unconditional LOVEing

When it comes to the surface, we’ve fallen into a trance, we’re experiencing an automatic regression, it’s a part of us that’s “frozen” in time and creating critical thoughts in our mind. This part of us is where we have unhealed wounds, which created ideas of not being enough or that something’s wrong with us; basically, it’s a trance of unworthiness.

When we’re in a trance of unworthiness we try to soothe ourselves with addictive behaviors; it’s hard to relax because we think we need to do something to be better and prove ourselves, so, not doing, resting isn’t safe.

When we’re in a trance of unworthiness it’s hard to be intimate with others because deep inside we think there’s something wrong with us, so, we “don’t get close” because they may find out and leave, and this keeps us from being authentic, genuine and okay with who we are.

Deep down I felt unworthy, unlovable and underserving and the critical voice showed me what I was truly feeling + believing. I didn’t feel safe in life or safe in my body, how could I, I was living with so much hurt and pain inside.

The critical voice is often stronger for those of us with unhealed wounds and who are hard on ourselves and it tries to get us with “shame and guilt.” We’re always looking at ourselves as the “good self or bad self” and if we’re identified with a “bad self” we’ll act in accordance with that in all areas of our life.

That happened for me, eventually I became identified with being a “bad girl” who’s critical and hard on myself, and, even when I started being a little more kinder, compassionate and loving I felt an angst in my body; it wasn’t familiar and even deeper, it wasn’t okay for me to be this way, my survival was at stake; so I would automatically go back to self criticizing and judging; this wasn’t happening consciously.

The critical voice didn’t only speak to me harshly, it also told me to do self abusive things like cutting my wrists and face, starving my body or eating lots of sweets, then feeling guilty and exercising for hours to get rid of the food I ate, whether it was a carrot or bags of candy and other sweets.

Even after 23 years of going in and out of hospitals, treatment centers, taking medication and doing traditional therapy, nothing ever changed, the critical voice had a hold on me.
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It was a powerful force that no matter how hard I tried to stop it, it would get even louder and throw a fit. It also thought it was protecting me in a backwards sorta way; if it hurt me first then no one else would be able to do so.

When people used to say to me “Debra, you just need to LOVE yourself” I looked at them like they were crazy, I had no concept of that the even meant, I had no experience of it and like I shared, a part of me wouldn’t even allow it.

What I’ve come to see with myself and those I assist in their healing is that the more we keep our deep hurts, traumas, anger, shame and pain hidden, the more the critical voice “chimes in” it lives in our internal patterning.

And, for some, like me, it seems overpowering so we reach for ways to find relief through smoking, alcohol, eating, being busy and/or we experience severe depression, anxiety or self harming.

When we’re consumed by the critical voice, we’re disconnected from our true essence and when we’re disconnected from our true essence; the love within, we feel a sense of separation, we don’t feel safe with ourselves or others and we don’t feel lovable for who we are.

This is why many people can change, be happy for a day, but then go back to the critical and/or judgmental ways, our automatic programming kicks in stemming from our core beliefs, it’s just like an addiction, and in a sense it is.

There are many ideas, concepts, experiences and interpretations of what happened to us, mostly when we were children that creates our belief system or what I would call our internal energy pattern. This internal energy pattern is the lens through which we see ourselves and life through, it creates our self image, our identity and how we think, feel, act and behave.

We can do things like meditation, deep breathing and thinking a better thought, but, unless we address the underlying cause, we’re likely to keep thinking the thoughts our internal patterning’s dictating, it’s coming from a part of us that doesn’t feel LOVED or safe.

So, what do we do when the critical voice comes to visit me and you?
What do we do when it’s what we’re used to and it’s just happens “automatically?”
What do we do when we don’t know how to be with ourselves and how we’re feeling in a kind and compassionate way?
What do we do when we have no concept of what self LOVE or experiencing ease in our bodies even means?

First off, please don’t blame yourself for how you’re being and awareness isn’t about judgment, it is about kindness, compassion and loving.

Working with/healing our traumas, where the “critical voice” was formed is key in shifting our energy patterning, many people call this inner child healing and/or shadow working. This is a soft and gentle process of moving through the layers of trauma with compassion and LOVE and making peace with our protector parts.

Through inner child healing, inner child bonding we can shift/transform that “negative” patterning and how the energy is flowing in our body. We can help that part of us who’s frightened, hurting and maybe feeling separate have a new and true understanding so we can feel LOVED and safe in our bodies.

Through learning how to be with ourselves in loving ways and meeting our needs + unmet needs, our anxiety about being with ourselves however we’re feeling and for not feeling like our needs we be met will dissipate.

When we pause and take a deep breath when we first hear or sense the critical voice it allows us to reset our nervous systems and helps us come back to the present moment; this allows space for compassion, healing and investigation.

Why do I believe that?
Where did I learn that?
Is it true?
How does my higher self see this and me?
Have a dialogue between the critical voice and your higher self.

Does the critical voice totally go away? Well, let’s put it this way, it may chime in, it’s actually part of being human, but once we realize where it’s coming from and heal/shift that energy pattern so more love can flow though and we can experience our truth and we learn how to be our own loving parent, it won’t have the same power it once had.

Remember my LOVES, the critical voice is just a scared part of us who really wants attention and LOVE. When we no longer take it personally, when we’re no longer attached to it as our identity, we can offer ourselves the compassion, understanding, LOVE and truth and what we’re needing.

Life can be messy and our thoughts can be too, this isn’t about perfection, this is about experiencing a deeper connection with our loving essence.

Here’s the simple truth I know about beautiful and amazing you. There’s a sweet and tender spirit that lives in you, this spirit is your deepest truth. This spirit is the essence of you who has a unique expression and is a gift to this earthy dimension. You’re naturally lovable, valuable and worthy, you’re a gift to humanity, please be kind, gentle, loving and caring.