Emotional regulation is the ability to “manage/respond to” our emotions rather than our emotions “managing” us.

What does that mean? Human beings are stimulus response machines, something happens and we re-act/respond according to our “conditioned feelings” that relates to the situation that’s happening.

We don’t do this consciously, it’s an automatic mechanism stemming from our nervous system and subconscious programming. It’s a blueprint per sey, and many people live their whole lives this way.

We’re creating and re-creating the same experiences over and over again, the challenge is when they’re stemming from our unresolved past traumas, hurts, pains and shame, ya know, different person/situation “same classroom.”

If we’re not able to “regulate” our emotions, which is learning how to respond to them, process and express them, rather than re-act, our emotions may seem overwhelming and our tendency may be to suppress them or numb them through coping methods like avoiding intimacy or even being in relationships with anybody, drinking alcohol, smoking, over eating or experiencing symptoms in our bodies.

If you’re like me, you may have been told you were wrong or bad for how you were feeling when you were a little being, so, whenever an “unacceptable” feeling arises, we suppress, numb or get busy so we “don’t have to feel what we’re feeling.”

Some people may experience depression and anxiety; the body moves into fight/flight/freeze and this comes from being shamed for how we were feeling. First, let me clear up something, you my LOVES are not bad or wrong if you’re experiencing these things, in fact, you’re pretty damn smart, you found a way to “cope” but today, you can learn beyond coping by learning “emotional regulating.”

How, through learning how to process and express our emotions and how to respond instead of react to them when we’re “triggered.” When we’re triggered, we’re given an opportunity to heal the unresolved issues we’re still carrying. Why do we need to go here to shift the energy?

This is where we created most of our emotional conditioned responses, it’s here that we “taught” our emotions how to be, from situations that happened on our life journey, this is where our past traumas, guilt, shame and unhealed wounds are stored in you and me and we keep automatically responding from this “space” until we shift that energy with compassion, LOVE and a new understanding.
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Stored trauma is activated when our protective parts subconsciously see the present situations as “perceived danger” comparing to past experiences.

The reason why we get upset is NOT because of what’s happening, it IS because of what we’re believing about ourselves because of what’s happening, it’s our “automatic responding.”

For instance, we get upset at someone for canceling at the last minute and we take that to mean they didn’t care about us, even deeper, that we don’t matter, even deeper that we’re unlovable. It’s that core feeling that’s creating the upset because really, if someone cancels, they just cancel, get it?

The healing work starts by identifying the root cause and we do this by pausing between our feelings and reactions and noticing what we’re saying it means about us. For example, the root cause would be “that we don’t matter or we’re unlovable” this is the part of us that needs compassion, LOVE and a true understanding. This helps regulate our nervous system and reprograms our “energy patterning.”

This does take practice and conscious awareness, but once we do it enough, we’ll “train ourselves” to be more calm in situations like these and give ourselves the loving we need.