Have you ever heard the expression “arrested development?”

Have you ever wondered why many of us, during our adolescence start to experience a “major challenge?”

This is when we start smoking, drinking alcohol, doing drugs, experience eating disorders, self harming and/or experiencing things like depression and anxiety.

Why is this? It’s a time where we’re trying to “differentiate” it’s a time where we’re trying to “find ourselves” and if we have families that don’t allow this, we experience an “internal fit.” Why? Our families try to keep us molded and shaped into the “family’s ways.”

We’re trying to find our independence and then we’re sent to therapy because we’re “not behaving.” Because of this we start to believe there’s something wrong with you and me, after all, why would we have to go to therapy?

It’s “instilled” in us that we need to be a certain way in order to be LOVED and accepted by our family and society, welcome to the beginning of socializing/conditioning and self abandoning + guilt and shame.

When I turned 13 I started smoking weed, then I got into self harming and acting out in “inappropriate ways.” I wasn’t just sent to therapy, I was put in a mental facility, locked up and told I was crazy.

But, ya know what’s cool, there were other kids in there that we’re told they were crazy too, so I didn’t feel so alone, but the difficulty was when the therapists and doctors kept trying to make me feel even worse about how I was being.

I was put on all kinds of restrictions if I “didn’t behave” according to the rules and they took away my survival tools which made me feel afraid and confused. Then they medicated + sedated me and I walked around like a zombie.

I told my doctors how I was feeling, so they took me off that medication and put me on another medication.

Looking back at my experiences in hospitals, treatment centers and with the therapists I was seeing, they just added to the trauma I was already experiencing from what happened to me in my childhood.

I was caught in the system for over 23 years, feeling at war with myself and at war with life and I didn’t have anyone on my side. It was very scary for me, I lived with so much anxiety and the reason was because I wasn’t “allowed to be me.”

But not only because I wasn’t allowed to be me, I became so disconnected from my true essence that I felt like a lost soul just trying to get through the days, running, hiding, self harming, working constantly to make more and more money, trying to prove and get a sense of being worthy, but nothing helped because there was still a “disconnect” I still felt an internal emptiness.

Did ya know that many people go their whole lives living this way? And if this is you, please don’t do blame or shame, it’s part of being in this human existence, so please, be kind and compassionate.

Maybe, just maybe there’s never been anything wrong with you or me and we were conditioned out of our authenticity.

Maybe, just maybe we can give ourselves a fresh new start by calling back the parts we disowned and putting them on the thrown.
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Maybe, just maybe we can pause for a moment and give ourselves a break from the routine of the human rat race and struggling with an inner debate and take time to listen to what our heart and soul has to say.

Maybe, just maybe we can start recognizing that there’s nothing to fix and we’re not defected, we may have picked up survival mechanisms to “protect us.” Protect us from being the person everyone else wanted us to be, this is what happened to me.

The anorexia, the “outer appearance” was really my savior, it came into my life as my protector. At age 13 I was told to go on a diet by my doctor, this was my “prescription” to start doing “protection.” I put my walls up and said “leave me alone, I just want to be as thin as a bone. You can no longer try to mold me and shape me, I’m going to wither away and be no – body.”

This wasn’t going on consciously, we have very smart psyche’s and they do their best to “protect” you and me and this plays out differently for everybody and we won’t understand it using our conscious thinking.

Why? It’s not rational that we would do “self destruction” for our survival. And, our conscious thinking is often where our conditioning is, it’s also where many of us keep ourselves from feeling those uncomfortable feelings, but, and this is a BIG BUTT, this is where we do our healing, this is where have a better understanding of what’s actually creating our reality.

Oh, and remember my LOVES, healing is not about forcing, it’s about holding those tender parts of us who are hurting in the LOVEing, it’s seeing ourselves through the eyes of compassion; it’s a re-connecting with our souls loving essence, our authenticity, the truth of who we be.

Healing is our souls revealing, it’s understanding that being human can be messy, it’s understanding that we’re valuable and lovable beings no matter how we’re feeling or what we’re experiencing.

Healing is going through the stages of development, It’s noticing where we got frozen in time, where we “got stuck” in emotional glue and help that part have a better understanding and learn “new tools.” This is the age we are emotionally, so in essence, healing is learning “emotional maturity” + having someone + ourselves mirror to us a way to be seen, heard, accepted and LOVED, this is necessary in “growing up.”

Healing is resolving our past traumas, hurts and wounds with compassion, unconditional acceptance LOVE and revision/shifting our internal energy patterning; allowing a loving integrating.

It’s knowing there there’s nothing wrong with us and we’re not bad or wrong for what happened, it was an experience, sometimes really painful experience(s) that we had and we can offer ourselves some care and LOVE.

It’s embracing the “good/bad/ugly” parts of ourselves and changing IF we choose to as an act of self LOVE, not because, if we do, we’ll finally be loved and accepted because we’re living according to other people’s rules.

There really isn’t a right or wrong way to be, if we’re not harming ourselves or anyone else, then we’re okay. The standards we put on ourselves in order to be accepted and LOVED only creates anxiety and a false image we portray, keeping us from feeling our truth, inner peace, our souls loving energy.

When we start to understand human behavior we’ll no longer blame ourselves or another person. We all want to be LOVED and accepted, we all want to be heard and seen and we’re all doing our best given our conditioning + traumas hurts and pains.

I have a dream to live in a world where we’re all LOVED and accepted unconditionally and our sense of belonging and connections happen easily and naturally.

I have a dream for you, yes beautiful you to experience your deepest truth, to know that you are LOVED and lovable, to know that you matter, to know that you’re important and that you get to know your true essence.