Waking Up To The LOVE Inside
If you’re like me, as you grew up you began to dislike yourself from years of taking on other people’s fears and misperceptions and criticizing, judging, hurting and abandoning yourself. We didn’t do this consciously, it came out of the desire to fit in, to please others, to be good enough and to follow the rules in order to be accepted and LOVED. Now we’re filtering our lives through the perceptions that we created from our earlier experiences. We’ve developed a personality/identity that was based on being who we believed everyone else wanted us to be and the beliefs, perceptions and misunderstandings that we created at an earlier age. Now were feeling lost and confused and we don’t like ourselves because the self we think we are is based on the conditioning we received and isn’t our true Self.
When we were younger, we learned who we needed to be and how we needed to think, act and feel in order to be accepted and loved. For most of us if we did what was “right” according to others, we would be loved and accepted and if we did what was “wrong” we would be abandoned and punished. If we were punished many times for doing something that was considered “bad” we soon began to internalize it and we turned it into self punishment and self blame. We started to believe that we deserved to be punished, forming the core beliefs “I deserve punishment, I deserve to suffer, I don’t deserve to be happy, I don’t matter, I’m unlovable, I don’t deserve to live.” If these beliefs are running in your consciousness, they will filter your perceptions today and keep you locked in self punishment and self abusive behaviors, putting the brakes on and preventing you from living the life that you truly desire. Even if you grew up in a family that was “normal” there is a collective unconscious belief that says; it’s not okay to be who we are, we’re not good enough, worthy or deserving and most of us spend our lives trying to compensate for or suppress those ideas. No matter how much we accumulate or how successful we are, we never feel good enough or deserving and we either numb those feelings or we chase after people, places and things trying to get LOVE and approval while disapproving of ourselves. By doing so, we’re burned out, we’re feeling empty, lonely and confused. We feel like there’s something wrong with us, that we’re broken and no matter what, we’re never going to be “good enough.” We feel alone, sad and misunderstood, we want to connect with others but we’re tired of people pleasing and we fear that we might get hurt or rejected if we honor ourselves.
Somewhere along the way we learned that it wasn’t okay to be who we are or feel the way we felt and the intensity of our emotions and experiences seemed intolerable.Then we found a solution, what we believed was the magic potion; food, exercise, drugs, alcohol, busyness, smoking, sex, etc. became a way to cope with, manage, distract or numb ourselves from those “overwhelming” feelings. We found something that gave us some sense of relief and we continued to go back to that person, place or thing to help us feel better. Because of doing this so often it became an escape, a habit, an addiction to alleviate the stress, anxiety and other feelings that we were unable to cope with at the time. These coping mechanisms were our savior, so we thought. Now we’re hooked, our responses are automatic, conditioned in our nervous system and we believe it’s who we are and that it’s the only way we know how to live. We feel that as long as we keep doing the behaviors, we’re safe and everything’s going to be okay. Is that really true? For me, even though I thought I was in control, my behaviors, thoughts, feelings and beliefs were controlling me. I was running on survival and I felt panic anytime I would step out of my “conditioned zone.” I was so consumed with food, weight, exercise and my rigid schedule around it, that it was all that I experienced from age 15 up until the age of 40. I was frozen in time and I had a false sense of safety and security. I was living in a trance of negative thoughts, feelings and self destructive behaviors, with a narrow focus; food, weight and exercise. Any time I took a step towards healing, doing something new or loving myself, the alarms would go off in my mind, I would get a sick feeling in my stomach, I would panic and sweat and I would run back to the eating disorder behaviors, suicide attempts or taking pills to alleviate those feelings.
The core beliefs “I don’t deserve to live and I’m not good enough” was how I was filtering my view of myself and the world and I was acting in accordance with those beliefs. I based my self worth and how I was going to experience my day by how much I ate, exercised and what I weighed. If the scale went up I got depressed, I hated myself even more and I felt like a failure. If it went down I was elated and I felt that all was well in my world. The problem was that the scale had to keep going down in order for me to feel that I was okay. Monitoring my food and weight and exercising was all that I cared about. I believed it kept me “safe” however, I wasn’t living, my energy was stagnant and I was locked in a self created prison, nothing could come in and I wouldn’t come out.
Underneath it all was sadness, hopelessness, feelings of unworthiness and limiting beliefs, perceptions, judgments and misunderstandings that I created from my experiences when I was younger. As the years went on I accumulated guilt, shame and more self hatred from the ways that I was treating myself and others. There was a battle going on inside, I loved doing the eating disorder behaviors because I believed that it brought me a sense of comfort, certainty, protection and safety and I despised it because I was tired and lonely, I wasn’t enjoying life and I knew deep inside that I wasn’t living in alignment with who I truly am. I knew that there was more to life then food, exercise and weight, but I was too frightened to find out, feel what I was feeling and face a world where I didn’t feel safe in.
What happened with me and perhaps you too is that we became fragmented, we embraced the parts of ourselves that we thought were okay and believed that others would approve of and ignored or pushed down the other parts of ourselves that we believed were “bad.” We’ve become lost, we don’t know what’s right for us, we have a hard time making decisions, we don’t try anything new or follow our passions because we believe we’ll fail, we feel unworthy and undeserving, we’ve given up on ourselves and life and we feel that no matter what we do, we can’t win. We want to be loved and accepted so much and we believe that if we act in accordance with other people’s wishes this will be accomplished. Yet, deep inside we’re struggling, there’s an inner conflict going on, we want to be liked, but we’re not liking ourselves because we’re not loving and honoring ourselves or our life experience. We’ve abandoned ourselves and we believe that we don’t matter because we don’t matter to us. We spent so many years chasing after the approval of others and ignoring our own wants, needs and desires that we don’t even know what we want or who we are. We’ve been running on survival mode, past conditioning, trying to find safety in addictions, people, places and things yet never feeling safe because we don’t feel safe with ourselves. We’ve never taken the time to be with ourselves and LOVE and embrace ourselves unconditionally.
We’ve read many self help books, gone to therapists, seminars, treatment centers, followed other people’s ways of healing and we still feel stuck. For me, I would get really excited at the beginning thinking, “YAY, I’m finally getting it, I’m finally going to be free.” Then when I started to take steps in a new direction that was out of my “familiar zone” I began to fear and that fear was so overwhelming that I would go back to what I believed brought me comfort, safety and relief. I began to believe that there was something wrong with me “Why does it seem so easy for others to live a normal life and I can’t.” Can you relate? There’s nothing wrong with me or you. There was a time in our life where we didn’t feel safe in our environment or to feel what we were feeling and we found a “sub” stance as a way to cope, bring us a sense of relief, or if you’re like me, you used it to protect yourself. Either way it served a positive purpose, but now it’s not working anymore, you no longer want to hurt yourself in this way, but you can’t seem to stop. Breathe, that’s right breathe, everything is going to be okay, you’re okay.
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Those automatic, conditioned responses that you fall into are trances, past programming, but now you’re waking up. You’re now ready to face what you weren’t able to face when you were younger. How do I know, you’re reading this article, you’re ready to LOVE and embrace yourself unconditionally and see yourself as the Beautiful and lovable light that you are. You’re ready to take back your power, release the inner conflict and experience inner peace. You’re ready to find new and healthier ways to get your needs met. You’re ready to LOVE and be LOVED and comfort the child within. You’re ready to be gentle and loving with yourself and treat yourself as if you were the most valuable person in the world, because you are. You’re ready to embrace your authenticity, to shine your light and share your LOVE in ways that only YOU can do. You’re ready to experience a more loving, abundant and joyful life and make a positive difference in the world through your unique expression. You’re ready to let go of the judgments, misperceptions, limitations and fears, forgive yourself and others with a knowing that we’re all doing the best we know how. You’re ready to break out of the trance of past conditioning, to question your beliefs, thank them for how they’ve served you in the past, and to choose WHO you want to BE and how you want to think, feel and act today. You know deep inside that you are worthy and deserving, strong, capable and powerful beyond measure. You know that life is on your side and you’re divinely guided. You know that you’re a divine being and you’re filled with infinite potential. You know that you were made to be beautiful you and everything that you need to be you is inside of YOU. You know that you’re here for a reason and that YOU are an important part of the Divine plan. You know that everything you’ve been through has made you the unique and beautiful being you are today. You know that life wants for you what you want for you. You know that anything and everything is possible. You’re now ready to let go of right or wrong and embrace the uniqueness of your authentic song. Your presence is a gift to the world. YOU are important, YOU are worthy, YOU are valuable, YOU matter, YOU are safe and YOU ARE LOVED. You may not know this consciously, however, there’s something deep inside of you that’s saying, YES, YES, YES, I’m now ready to experience the truth inside of me. What do I need to do to live in alignment with my heart and soul and feel the radiance of my inner glow?
YAY!!!!!! I can feel your excitement, here’s what I can share with you. Healing is a process, a gentle unfolding from within. As you begin to LOVE and embrace who you are, right here and now, and allow all of your feelings to flow easily and naturally, you’ll begin to feel more relaxed and peaceful inside. As you lovingly and compassionately become aware of your conditioning, fears, misunderstandings and judgments and bring LOVE to the parts of you that are hurting, you’ll start to experience the truth, freedom, creativity, inspiration, beauty and LOVE light that resides at the core of your being. From where you stand right now you might not see it, that’s where trust and faith comes in. The mind likes to make up stories based on past conditioning, beliefs and concepts that you’ve learned along the way. But there’s a deeper truth, an inner knowing that you’re now ready to experience. With self inquiry you will see what you think and believe. Once you become aware, you have the opportunity to shift your beliefs that aren’t serving you anymore to ones that are in alignment with your true magnificence. You have the power within you to choose who you want to BE and how you want to live. As you step into this new vibration a whole new world will open up for you, even better then you can imagine right now. I would LOVE to tell you that it’s a walk in the park, this isn’t for the faint heart. It does require courage, faith, presence, willingness, trust and lots of LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. We access the truth inside through our wounds and our challenges. It’s just like when you fall down and you get a wound, you might cry and feel the pain initially and as it’s healing. It’s the same as when we’re healing emotionally and spiritually. I would encourage you to allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. If you need to cry, scream, shout, get mad, do it, let it out, it’s time to release that pent up energy. That’s right, allow that energy to move, it’s okay, you’re okay. When your done hold yourself and say “I LOVE YOU” If that’s challenging for you, think of someone or something you LOVE and allow that feeling of LOVE to permeate your entire being.
When someone triggers you and activates those “unwanted” feelings, thank them, they are activating the energy inside of you that is ready to be accepted and LOVED. They are helping you to clear a way for your energy to flow more freely, so you can access and reside in the LOVE, light, truth and freedom that’s at the core of your being. So you can experience your natural Self, your divine Self, so you can release the tricks that the mind plays on you. So inspiration can flow to and through you. So you can live in alignment with who YOU truly are and experience an abundant, rich, joyful and rewarding life. So you can be of service in ways that positively benefits your souls growth, others and the expansion of the universe. So you can live in LOVE and experience oneness with all that is. When you LOVE everything that arises you’ll no longer be fooled by the minds disguises. Our feelings aren’t bad, it’s the judgments that we have about them that makes us feel bad. Our feelings are our guides, they are assisting us in knowing whether our thinking and perceiving is in or out of alignment with the way our Higher Self is thinking. In the healing is the loving, in the loving is the healing and healing takes place when you accept and LOVE yourself and everything that you’re feeling.
I invite you to join me in living in the loving, it’s truly a magical place to live. I believe in you, I’m here for you, I will hold your hand, you don’t have to do this alone. I’ve been there, I’m still learning and growing. I’m no better than you, through my experiences I’ve gained much wisdom and knowledge. I’ve come to know, experience, value and LOVE the beautiful Divine being I am, and it’s my joy and honor to assist you in doing the same. You might be asking “What are the benefits in living in LOVE?” That’s a great question, here’s what I can share that has happened for me and in those I assist.
When you fall in LOVE with yourself, you’ll naturally do good things for you and your health. You’ll feel worthy and deserving of the very best, living a life full of joy and zest. Attracting to you the right people, places and things, enjoying all that life may bring. You’ll wake up excited about the day, knowing that good things are coming your way. You’ll feel more relaxed and peaceful inside and really enjoy this earthly ride. As you LOVE yourself, you’ll naturally LOVE others, having deeper connections with your sisters and brothers. As you become your own best friend, you’ll easily and naturally heal and mend. As you let your feelings to naturally flow, you’ll feel more relaxed in this earthly show. As you release the barriers between you and YOU, you feel more LOVED all the way through. As you LOVE everything that arises, you’ll no longer be fooled by the mind’s disguises. As you LOVE and embrace all of you, you’ll find enjoyment in all that you do. As you release resistance, limitation and fear, and allow your true Self to lovingly steer. Inspiration will naturally flow, guiding you in this earthly show. As you experience your divinity, you’ll feel more happy, joyous and free. As you treat yourself like you matter you matter to you, you’ll feel LOVED and worthy all the way through. As you let go of right or wrong and sing to the tune of your authentic song. A magical shift will begin to take place, bringing a smile to your face. You were made to be beautiful YOU, no one can do what you can do. The world wouldn’t be the same without you here, you are worthy my child, my dear. I invite you to step into the greatness of WHO you are, A Beautiful and Radiant shining star.
You came into this world with a certain theme. Everything you’ve experienced and everything you’re experiencing now is serving you in one way or another. Everything you’ve been through is perfect, everything you’re going through is perfect, you are perfect just as you are, right here, right now. You don’t need to try so hard, just breathe, relax and let go, everything is going to be okay, you’re okay. If I can do it you can too, I know the struggle, I know the pain, I know the hopelessness, I know the fear and I also know the joy, the expansion, the LOVE, the freedom, the bliss and the excitement that comes from being aligned with the truth at the core of my being. I know the joy of following my heart and soul, of loving myself and others, of living my passions, of being of service to the expansion of the universe in a positive way, of allowing my creative authentic expression to flow easily and naturally and assisting others in doing the same.
You are more then just a body, there is a beautiful, tender, loving and creative spirit inside of YOU that wants to shine, will you let it?
Awakening To Unconditional Love:
Transformational Healing
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Poetic Healing
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I AM LOVED SHIRTS
_____________________________________Debra’s Blog
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